Managing Our Emotions

Why Learning to Manage Our Emotions is Essential for a Healthy Relationship

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
- Maya Angelou

We spend years learning good manners, social etiquette, and how to follow the rules of society. But one critical life skill that is often left out is learning how to manage our emotions, especially the tough ones such as anger, sadness, jealousy, or fear. Growing up, many of us were told: “Don’t cry.”, “Just calm down.”,“Stop being angry.”

Instead of being guided through how to feel our emotions and healthily process them, we were usually taught to suppress or ignore them. And yet, emotional regulation is one of the most important skills we can develop, not just for our mental health but for the health of our relationships. The truth is, emotions aren’t problems to fix; they’re signals and information about how we’re experiencing the world, and if we don't learn to listen to and manage them, they start managing us.

The Ripple Effect of Unmanaged Emotions

When we’re overwhelmed by stress, anger, or sadness, we often say or do things we later regret. In those moments of emotional release, we’re not thinking about the lasting impact - we’re just trying to feel better fast. Those words and reactions, even if they feel justified at the moment, can leave invisible marks on the people we care about.

Think of hurtful words or actions like nails hammered into wood. You can remove the nail, but the hole remains. That’s what unresolved emotional reactions can feel like in our relationships. People may forgive, but they rarely forget how we made them feel.

Managing Emotions is a Skill That Can Be Learned

Even if you never learned how to handle your emotions growing up, it’s never too late to start. Emotional regulation is a skill, and like learning to ride a bike, cook, or speak a new language, it improves with awareness and practice. You can start small and start today.

5 Practical Tools to Help You Manage Emotions in Real Time

1. Pause Before Reacting
   If you feel triggered, take a deep breath and mentally step back. Even a few seconds can give you a moment to respond intentionally instead of reacting impulsively.

2. Name What You’re Feeling
   “I’m angry” is more helpful than “I’m losing it.” Naming the emotion helps calm the nervous system.

3. Create Space (and Permission to Step Away)
   It’s ok to say, “I need a moment before I respond.” Emotional maturity means creating space when needed, not avoiding but resetting.

4. Practice Self-Soothing Techniques
   Breathing techniques, journaling, walking, or gentle stretching can help regulate intense emotions when feeling overwhelmed.

5. Reflect After Conflict
   Ask yourself: What triggered me? What was I feeling? What do I need to communicate more clearly next time?

Emotionally Aware People Build Emotionally Safe Relationships

When you take responsibility for your emotional state, you don’t just improve your wellbeing, you create a ripple effect. Your calm becomes an anchor for others. Your awareness helps build deeper trust, clearer communication, and a lasting connection. People remember how you made them feel, not just what you said or did. When we learn to regulate our emotional storms, we create a safe harbor for the people we love. That’s what builds trust, intimacy, and lasting connection.

Remember, you are not your emotions. You are the observer of them. You are learning to move through the emotions with grace, patience, and strength.

Whether you’re looking to deepen your emotional resilience, improve your relationships or simply more in control of your inner world, you can learn these tools. If this resonates with you, reach out and let’s explore how I can support you on your journey.